Transformers: The Last Knight

Director: Michael Bay
Year Released: 2017
Rating: 1.0

It's ridiculous to begin to summarize the plot of this one, so I'll keep it simple (which Bay cannot): mechanic Mark Wahlberg is Earth's Messiah, Anthony Hopkins is a Transformers scholar and Merlin's Staff (which everyone is looking for) has super-powers. Employs the same-old ultra-fast rapid cutting of all the previous entries and has no need for things like character development or logical plotting - it's just gizmos morphing for two and a half hours (hooray to the effects team). It becomes truly laughable when it tries to evoke sympathy (boo hoo, a robot oozing green fluid) - otherwise it's just another ode to excess (please purchase Bud Light and expensive sports cars!). As for Hopkins' agreeing to be in it: how much does he owe the IRS in back taxes? Or does he need a snazzy beach house? That's the real discussion piece from these bozo blockbusters: what will the actors/actresses spend their royalty cheques on?