Dark Shadows

Director: Tim Burton
Year Released: 2012
Rating: 1.0

Burton-on-Auto-Pilot. Cursed by a crazy bitch vampire (Eva Green) for not loving her, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) awakens centuries later (in the '70s) from his coffin and has to save his clan from destruction. This is the most uninspired (and unfunny) I've seen Burton in a while - even his failed Alice in Wonderland had a distinctive visual style (if little else) - and it's as if he didn't think past Depp's character design (greased-down hair, pancake makeup) to get around to worrying about good dialogue (oh boy, fish-out-of-water gags) or a story with substance (Helena Bonham Carter is a treat as the doctor who has her own agenda). The decision to cast Green as the main antagonist was particularly unwise.