Jack (1996) review

Young mother Karen Powell (Diane Lane), who's married to Brian (Brian Kerwin), prematurely gives birth to Jack (Robin Williams) and the doctors quickly determine their son has a genetic disorder that makes him grow four times faster than a normal human - at first, they keep the man-child locked inside with his tutor Lawrence Woodruff (Bill Cosby) due of his adult appearance (complete with receding hairline), but eventually he's sent to elementary school where he has a hard time being accepted.  Even with the charismatic Williams in the lead (who was forty-five during production) it still comes across as creepy and its constant pleas for audience sympathy are pitiful, like when Jack passes out after asking out his teacher Miss Marquez (Jennifer Lopez) to a dance or smooching with single mom Dolores Durante (Fran Drescher), getting into a bar fight and spending the night in jail.  The entire movie is a total embarrassment for nearly everyone involved (except for Cosby, who's done far worse on screen and off) - the scenes where Jack and his classmates hang out in a treehouse and look at Penthouse magazine, consume vile goop and giggle at flatulence are particularly terrible - and the conclusion is shameless: at graduation seven years later, class valedictorian Williams, with his gray hair and failing eyesight, delivers a birthday card speech where he preaches about cherishing every second on Earth.  It's enough to make you want to sprint face first into a closed garage door.