Director: Brian Levant
Year Released: 1992
Rating: 1.0

A Saint Bernard puppy escapes the clutches of henchmen Harvey (Oliver Platt) and Vernon (Stanley Tucci) - who work for evil veterinarian Dr. Varnick (Dean Jones) - and sneaks into the home of Alice (Bonnie Hunt) and George Newton (Charles Grodin), where their three kids immediately embrace him and name him Beethoven (he digs music), but as he grows larger he makes messes everywhere, which infuriates George.  It's exclusively for children considering it seems like an after-school special ... and the dog itself is presented as an actual savior: he protects the son from bullying, acts as a wingman for the oldest daughter, saves the youngest from drowning and prevents the parents' Air Freshener company from getting into a shady partnership.  None other than John Hughes co-wrote it, but he used a pseudonym in the credits ("Edmond Dantès," better known as the hero of Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo) - I wonder if he distanced himself from the residual cheques that followed soon thereafter, since it made $140 million at the box office?