Private Lessons

Director: Alan Myerson
Year Released: 1981
Rating: 2.0

With his wealthy father out of town on a "business trip," perpetually horny fifteen-year-old "Philly" Fillmore (Eric Brown) is left at home with the chauffeur Lester (Howard Hesseman) and attractive housekeeper Nicole Mallow (Sylvia Kristel), who tries to seduce him ... but he's all talk and keeps running away from her.  The risqué premise - based on Dan Greenburg's novel, which he adapted for the screen - has potential in the first act where it's hinted that there's some scheme going on, but it only gets dumber and super improbable: there's a "faked death," a "burial," a "ransom note," a tennis coach (Ed Begley Jr.) pretending to be a police officer, etc.  Had I seen this as a youngster, it would have been one of my secret guilty pleasures - a thirty-year-old Ms. Kristel is an inexperienced teenager's dream girlfriend.  But if you even entertained the thought of remaking this in 2023, I'm pretty sure the Feds would kick in your windows and toss you in USP Leavenworth.