Conan the Barbarian (1982) review

Little Conan (Jorge Sanz) has nothing but bad things happen to him - both of his parents are killed and he's enslaved by shapeshifter Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones) ... and then as an adult (Arnold Schwarzenegger) he is forced to fight for his life as a gladiator before being released, befriending Subotai (Gerry Lopez), getting crucified and understandably craving revenge.  Milius and co-screenwriter Oliver Stone based this on the pulp comic hero created by Robert E. Howard, and it's quite thin as one might expect (considering its origins): there's voice over (by Mako) to keep it moving forward (and presumably to prevent Arnie from doing much talking) and some nice sets and unusual costumes to go along with the bubbling machismo, nude ladies, swinging swords and gore: eleven-year-old me would have dug it.  Grown up me can't help but think about the message that "steel" is the only thing you can "trust" (Doom prefers "flesh") ... which is worrying because Stone's a Vietnam Vet and Milius desperately wanted to join the Marines and "prove himself in battle" (but was rejected for having asthma).  I guess Johnny never got his gun....