The Story of My Wife (2021) review

Lonely Captain Jakob Störr (Gijs Naber) - suffering from a tummy ache - returns to shore and has lunch with a friend where he makes a bet to marry the first woman who enters the establishment ... which just so happens to be the gorgeous Lizzy (Léa Seydoux), and then they proceed to make each other miserable.  As if the premise itself isn't just a little bit flaky - why ruin your life over a gentleman's wager? - then the rest of it is "let's play the Jealousy Game" for three rather flavorless hours: she may or may not be having an affair with "writer" Dedin (Louis Garrel) and he attempts a fling with Grete (Luna Wedler).  Watching Jakob fret and worry every second makes him more pathetic than heroic (which he ever so briefly is), but Lizzy remains elusive and mysterious, never fully convincing him (or anyone) of her true intentions (which is admittedly maddening).  The Bard's Sonnet 57 sums it all up much more succinctly.