Jungle Cruise

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Year Released: 2021
Rating: 1.0

Botanist Dr. Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) is curious about a mythical tree called "Tears of the Moon" which is in South America and allegedly has great healing power, so she hires Captain Wolff (Dwayne Johnson) to take her - and her brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall) - there, but a crafty German named Prince Joachim (Jesse Plemons) - who has a submarine! - wants the tree all to himself.  Basing a movie on an amusement ride park is a questionable decision - and it makes Mr. Scorsese's statement about "comic book movies" to be even more true - and then it does nothing further to really help itself: the storytelling is idiotic (they bathe it in CGI and hope no one notices) and it really does feel like they're going through the motions (you're never going to mix this up with The African Queen).  The screenplay was partially written by both Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, who wrote one of the funniest movies ever made in Bad Santa - here, the closest thing they can do for chuckles is Johnson's over-use of puns and mocking Blunt's audacity to wear ... pants.  Women: is there no limit to their transgressions?