Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) review

This fifth (!) Pirates movie has young Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) trying to rescue ol' Dad (Orlando Bloom), orphan Carina (Kara Scodelario) struggling to solve a mystery involving the stars and a bright red rock and timeless Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) bumbling his way through another Disney Blockbuster, chugging rum and managing to not perish (his uncle, by the way, is The Cute Beatle). It got critically-trounced for lacking creativity and being plot-heavy, but at least directors Rønning and Sandberg get through it efficiently (unlike, ahem, Mr. Verbinski) and with some neat set-pieces (the runaway safe, the parting-of-the-sea). It sets up a sixth film with the final scene and the stinger with Bloom and Keira Knightley reunited ... although I do hope they shelve it: it's been fourteen years since the first one, the joy of Depp-as-Keif-Richards has run its course and new ideas just aren't there (be like Rush's Barbossa: bail out).