The Girl on the Train

Director: Tate Taylor
Year Released: 2016
Rating: 0.5

Or, Let's Beat Up Emily Blunt. Unemployed alcoholic Rachel (Blunt), still hung up on her ex-husband Tom (Justin Theroux), becomes fascinated with a beautiful babysitter Megan (Haley Bennett) that she sees while passing by on her daily train ride ... eventually, Megan goes missing, Megan's husband (Luke Evans) is a suspect ... then Rachel becomes a suspect. Did I mention the story is told in the most ditzy way possible, with Rachel an incredibly unreliable narrator prone to blacking out and forgetting vital details (it's that booze, I tell ya)? There are too many awkward flashbacks and 're-imaginings' and red herrings that lead up to its (unintentionally) hilarious third act: everything after (and including) the line, "I just wanna go to the woods" is comedic gold (Death By Waiter's Corkscrew!) and Theroux turns out to be what hardcore feminists must think every man is like (he makes Charles Boyer in Gaslight seem only mildly annoying).