Crimson Peak

Director: Guillermo del Toro
Year Released: 2015
Rating: 1.5

Edith (Mia Wasikowska), a wannabe writer, falls in love with industrialist Thomas (Tom Hiddleston) but her father nixes the relationship - eventually, Dad is murdered in a bathroom and she marries Thomas, living with him and his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain) in their mansion, which sits atop gushy red clay. When you mix one of the least interesting (and least emotive) actresses of our day with one of the least spontaneous (and most plodding) directors of our day this is what you end up with: a drone of a movie that never comes fully alive until it brings out the kink and Hiddleston gets stabbed in the face (casting Queen Chastain to be evil is like casting Jimmy Stewart to be a hero: it's the easiest thing to do). Del Toro is largely consumed with his color schemes (green and red! white and red!) and camera movement to worry about making it creepy (oooh, a naked and bloody dead lady!).