Kingsman: The Secret Service

Director: Matthew Vaughn
Year Released: 2014
Rating: 0.5

A street kid (Taron Egerton) gets recruited by a Super Secret Spy Agency called the Kingsman - helmed by Michael Caine and Colin Firth and 'hidden' in a tailoring shop - who are up against a wily mastermind (Samuel L. Jackson) and his plans to turn people into ruthless animals using a cell phone app that isn't called "Angry Birds." Vaughn's comic-inspired movies have been off-putting to me for a while and this one is no different: the graphic violence (heads exploding into stardust! bodies split in half!), even without bloodshed, clashes with the attempts at lighthearted spy fare, Egerton's "Cockney" accent and Jackson's Mike Tyson impersonation sound awful, the 'satire' is non-existent, it's sexist (the Scandinavian lady is turned into a sex toy as a 'reward'), the soundtrack is grating and the stabs at humor are weak. You can make a Bond spoof that's corny but fun (Austin Powers), you can make a kid spy movie that at least appeals to teens and pre-teens (Spy Kids) and you can make an actual spy movie with grit (The Bourne Identity) ... but this tries for all three at once and is successful at none.