The Pit and the Pendulum

Director: Stuart Gordon
Year Released: 1991
Rating: 0.5

Sexually impotent but politically potent Torquemada (Lance Henriksen) falls in love with a pretty baker's wife (Rona De Ricci) during the Spanish Inquisition (which nobody expects) but is intent on torturing her (and himself) - meanwhile, her baker hubby wants his bride back. Gordon goes for his usual mixture of dorky humor and horror and it fails horrifically, with atrocious dialogue that basically consists of exchanges like "I'm not a witch!" followed by "Confess to God!" followed by "I swear to Jesus!" followed by asses burnt with fire. You know something's wrong with a movie when the infamous Oliver Reed, within minutes of first appearing on-screen, is given a few drinks and then (literally) bricked up in a wall and never heard from again. De Ricci's character eventually has her tongue removed, rendering her the perfect female (she looks great, she can bake and she can't talk).