The Romance of Astrea and Celadon

Director: Eric Rohmer
Year Released: 2007
Rating: 2.0

Rohmer digs up this archaic fable about what happens when two lovers are separated because of a perceived indiscretion: fair beauty Astrea (Stéphanie Crayencour) tells (supposedly) cheating Celadon (Andy Gillet) she never wants to see him again and he takes her words very, very literally: he attempts suicide by jumping in the river, is rescued by some delicious virgins, escapes (!?!) and then hides in the woods. For being a filmmaker best known for his casual, sometimes witty tales of modern life, this is especially flat: the acting, the story and even (brace thyself!) the dialogue, which really handicaps the performers, forcing them to stand in the fields reciting momentum-halting passages about gods or what-have-you. Particularly amusing is when Celadon dresses up as a druid woman to fool Astrea - despite his 5 o'clock shadow, man-jaw and man-hands, the ladies take him for one of their own, especially hot and bothered Astrea. The moral, therefore, is that in the absence of quality male suitors, a female that bears a striking resemblance to a former male lover is a suitable alternative.