Django

Director: Sergio Corbucci
Year Released: 1966
Rating: 3.0

This blatant Fistful of Dollars re-do, with a stronger interest in lopped-off ears and a rising body count and gore than style, is not without its own pungent blend of nihilism, misogyny and cheap, cheap thrills (Franco Nero isn't Clint Eastwood, but when Eastwood doesn't pick up the phone, who's next on your list?). I actually like it, but in order to explain why, I need to digress a little and make a comparison between movies and action figures (don't worry, this goes somewhere). Years ago, there were Transformers. And a lot of us young lads asked for Transformers for Christmas. But like a lot of children with parents who prefer to spend their money on elaborate vacations and new siding on their houses, the cheaper GoBots were what we received. To our misguided parents, GoBots seemed like the same thing, so we kids got those instead. We bitched, we whined: it's not the same thing. But in terms of functionality, both Transformers and GoBots performed the same 'trick': they were toys that could be made into different things (robots to vehicles). Sure, Transformers were more sleek and popular and had better design features, and GoBots were the bootleg alternative, but frankly, those second-rate GoBots were all we had to play with or we played with nothing at all. So just as you have your Digimon and Pokémon, you also have your Corbucci and your Leone - if you're not going to act like an elitist snob, and with a little imagination, you can actually stretch your mind to pretend it's the same thing. Yes, you prefer the one, but you'll settle for the other - it's not the end of the world and there's nothing good on TV anyway. This rule applies to boyfriends/girlfriends, cars and clothing. Get used to 'settling' - you may just learn to like it after all.