Director: John Boorman
Year Released: 1981
Rating: 1.5

Now there's a wise idea: take the story of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, add sex and violence, giving it an R rating, and keeping it away from the story's intended audience, thirteen-year old boys. Adults don't (and shouldn't) care for the treatment, which is comic-book nonsense dwelling on concepts of valor and honor. It's also been a while since I've seen performances quite this bad - could Boorman have cast a worse King Arthur, with his Parkinson's Disease deliveries and nerdy, whiny voice? Hey, I don't have the best vocal chords, either, but I'm not the star of a movie. As for the battle scenes, well, they're most comical to watch though correct according to the laws of physics - men in armor clomp around like wound-up toy soldiers, bumbling around and knocking into each other. As if these problems weren't enough to seal its fate, there's also a complete lack of continuity and time-conscious progression - one cut, in particular, moves the tale ahead something like four years. Merlin, the film's only shot at humor, is the only interesting character in there.