Director: John Lasseter and Joe Ranft
Year Released: 2006
Rating: 0.5

Exceptionally disappointing Pixar picture, with flashy race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) learning about modesty, friendship and tolerance from a bumblefuck town and its residents. The "big messages" feel like lead bricks hurled through the screen and the usual charm present in movies from this studio has been heartlessly torn out of its body-without-meat, as if Lasseter & Co. decided that to properly compete with Dreamworks, you have think like Dreamworks (and Dreamworks, known for such CGI abortions as Shrek, Madagascar, Over the Hedge, Monster House and on and on, is not too big on thinking). It doesn't help that I don't consider racing an actual sport, what with a sampling of its fans being among the true dregs of humanity, nor do I find vehicles with eyes and tongues to be emotionally endearing. Question: how do they make new cars? Are there genitals in there, somewhere?