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Fifty Shades Freed

Director:  James Foley
Year Released:  2018
Rating:  0.5

In what's hopefully the last anyone ever sees or hears of Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Ana Steele (Dakota Johnson), the two of them get married, have a few difficulties, and are threatened by a loon from the previous film, Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson). The absence of dramatic tension (as in the others) is sort of remarkable in a way - not even a 'high-speed chase' nor an attempted assault nor an argument over whether or not the two of them should have children (Ana becomes pregnant) causes any kind of stir, and the sex scenes, which range from vanilla to What Does This Toy Do Down There, are no better than what they used to put on Skinemax (ah, the good ol' days!). The 'kidnapping' in the third act could have very well been spliced out of a daytime soap opera, but it does provide the movie's best laugh-out-loud moment. As for Mr. Grey and Mrs. Grey: may their riches and petty arguments and kinkiness guide them through their elder years ... I just don't need to know about it anymore.

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