My Bloody Valentine

Director: George Mihalka
Year Released: 1981
Rating: 1.0

Another unimaginative slasher revenge picture: this time, a coal miner (!) returns to a town to punish the horny teenies for throwing a St. Valentine's Day party, routinely cutting out hearts (literally) and inserting those hearts into candy boxes. It must be tough to be a serial killer: always gotta have a gimmick! The kids make all the predictable mistakes and get picked off accordingly while the killer spends his time not murdering and dissecting or boiling them with writing bad poetry: if the whole mining thing didn't work out, there's always a job with Hallmark waiting. The best thing this movie ever did for society was have its name stolen by Kevin Shields for a certain memorable music project.